Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
