Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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