also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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