I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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