I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
