I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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