Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
