I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize