do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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