I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
