I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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