$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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