I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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