Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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