Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
