yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
