OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
me + whiskey = a bad person
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
