im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
