i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
