I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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