Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
