You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
