SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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