The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
