I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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