You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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