We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
