No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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