he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Come share oat with me in your robe
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
