There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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