just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
