I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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