No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
