wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize