I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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