This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
