Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
