No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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