The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
