I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
