It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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