You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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