last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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