Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
