come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So. Much. Porn.
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