Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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