He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
