you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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