It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
