why didn't you poke me back
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
