You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
