i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
