Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
