Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
