Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
