she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize