Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
