coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
