I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My ass is underappreciated
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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