I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fill condoms, not promises.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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