I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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