Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
