we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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