you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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