her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
