why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
