just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
