god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
