My liver just broke up with me...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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