I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
