Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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