I just cut my nipple shaving
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
