shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
