u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
