i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
