my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
