FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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