Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
